"Light, what happened back then was the choice your mother made himself."

He said this sentence very lightly, but it fell heavily on my heart. My face turned pale for a moment. The person seemed to have suffered some blow. He shook it slightly twice, hurriedly reached out to support the cold pillar next to him, and barely stabilized his body.

It was my mother's choice.

It was her own choice...

My fingers spasmly grabbed the cold pillar, which was frozen pale, but my palms were ground red. But at this time, I felt nothing, and I felt empty in my hands and my heart.

Just like the feeling of being at the foot of the West Mountain in those years, I can’t grasp anything.

The only thing that can be held is those soft and warm big hands.

Every time I was held like this, as long as I looked up, I would see that a pale, thin, but always smiling face, with a curved eyes, and a glow like a gentle jade. At that time, she and I were already very poor. There was no decoration on her body, but she was still so beautiful that it was so beautiful that it made people unable to take their eyes off.

After so many years, I rarely think about her. Sometimes, I even feel that I may be slowly forgetting her.

But at this time, all the memories about her came back.

I can even clearly remember many nights when she leaned against the bed and looked down at the letter with a broken candle. Many silver threads mixed in her half-length head were lit up in snow under the candlelight. Coupled with her deep brows, the worries in her eyes seemed to have suddenly become dozens of years old.

If she didn't leave me...

If, I didn't leave her...

Then, what should she look like now?

I trembled, as if it was so cold that I almost tried my best to let go of the cold pillar to stand firm. I raised my head to look at Fu Badai. His eyes were also facing me. Although I couldn't see it, it was clear and clear. I said calmly: "She knew very well what she was doing and what she should do. Light, I hope you can be like your mother."

"Same as her?" I murmured, "So, do you still want me to let him go?"

"I just told you that feelings can be irrational, but they should also have a rational side. Why can't you be rational to him?"

"Reason?" I looked at him and said, "Am I not rational enough?"

"Not enough." He shook his head: "It's really not enough."

Hearing this, I was not angry or anxious, but smiled: "Then, how rational should I be?"

Fu Badai pondered for a while, then looked at me and said solemnly: "Qingying, have you ever thought that you have experienced thousands of sails, and all you meet are sons of a thousand gold medals, princes and nobles. Why do you never force them, but you are obsessed with him alone?"

I looked at him silently.

He smiled and said, "I can't think of it, right?"

“…”

"If I said that in such a chaotic world, he is just a person who goes with the flow and avoids disaster, would you still like him and really be willing to stay with him for life?"

I was stunned and suddenly felt the light in front of me.

His words were repeated in his mind, as if a heavier alarm bell hit my mind, making me feel confused and awake, and almost collapsed.

I, really never asked myself.

If he went with the flow, if he was at ease to avoid disaster, if those gentle and kind-hearted who once praised me and made me feel happy, and had no character, would I really fall in love with him, and even if I could fight against the most powerful people in the world, I would have to stay with him?

At this moment, I felt the chill as if millions of pointed needles were pierced into my skin, limbs and five bodies, so cold that I forgot the pain. I just kept trembling, trembling as if the bones in my body were about to break. I slowly raised my head and looked at Fu Badai: "So, you want to say, there is only one choice for me, right?"

He didn't say anything.

But I already understand what he is going to say.

If Liu Qinghan was not a person who followed the crowd and avoided disasters, he would not follow me, but would stay firmly, fulfill his dreams and save the pain of sentient beings.

He is exactly what I love.

If he is a person who follows the trend and avoids disasters-

How could I love someone like this?

Why do I need him to follow me?

Thinking of this, I suddenly laughed, but my eyes were filled with tears.

It turned out that I had been walking for so long, but instead let myself get into a dilemma.

In fact, if you don’t care, you can do it for a lifetime.

But I care.

At this time, I could no longer speak, and I felt full of sorrow, but there was no word to express. Fu Badai had been standing in front of me so calmly, and said heavily: "Light, there is no way to avoid the chaos in the world. In this chaotic world, good men should take responsibility!"

I felt a little suffocated and felt uncomfortable, so I reached out to hold the pillar and trembled and let myself lean on it. The coldness I felt in my body was really gone at this time, but instead calmed down.

There is no way to avoid the chaos in the world.

Good men should take responsibility.

Looking back on his days in Jixiang Village, he opened his clear and bright eyes and carefully analyzed the chaos in the south and the tax system with me; thinking back to the bottom of the river valley, he was serious and told me with a hint of shyness that he had a responsibility to the south; thinking back to those years... those years when I was not by his side...

It turned out that he had really walked too far.

I slowly raised my head and looked at the old man who was much older than I remember but still standing. I felt a lot of emotion for a moment, but I didn't know what to say. After being silent for a long time, I spoke hoarsely: "Sir."

He was shocked. The title seemed to remind him of something. He was speechless for a moment, and his eyes were slightly wide open and dull.

"You are right. In this troubled time, good men should take responsibility."

“…”

"I'm not a student who has been taught badly, I'm a student who has not learned well. Although I know there will be a big chaos, I-I still want to find my daughter and take her to avoid disaster. I..."

I don't think that many years later, my Li Er recalled his mother and didn't even have a vague figure.

At this time, Fu Badai straightened his waist and back, with a bit of solemnity on his face, and said heavily: "Light, the chaos in the south is five years later than the time I predicted."

“…”

The four words that were said in the last tone made me tremble and I saw him trembling with his hand raising his hand to reach towards me. I originally wanted to reach out and continue, but when I moved, I stopped again and watched the thin and almost withered hand slowly raise, groping and reaching to my head, and then gently stroked it.

"You--have done a good job!"

.

When I left Jixian Hall, the snow on the steps had been cleaned up. I walked step by step, stepped on the cold stone steps, and a lonely sound came from the empty hall.

I didn't look back, but just kept it cold and insisted, walking step by step.

When they walked to the carriage, they were still waiting for me. Shuixiu hurriedly came forward, looking at my pale face that was almost bloodless, and said worriedly: "Sir, why are you frozen like this? Your face looks so ugly. Let's go back."

"..." I was silent for a moment and shook my head.

She looked at me with wide eyes: "Where are you going?"

"The eldest princess."

The low and light voice made her hear a little blurred, but after just listening to it, the girl was shocked: "What?"

I looked up and looked at her with dark eyes: "Go and see the eldest princess."

.

The carriage made a monotonous sound, crushing two lonely lanes in the snow, and soon arrived at Pei Yuanzhen's residence.

She is really not young, but because she has not yet been married, she still lives in the palace. I don’t know whether it is a blessing or a misfortune for her. She just got off the carriage and looked at the thick snow on the eaves of the walls and roofs, as if she was looking at me, her, and many people.

As cold as cold as so lonely as this.

As she walked in, she had nothing but heard the light sound of footsteps stepping on the snow, and there was no other palace servant. Shui Xiu followed me all the time, and she was about to arrive at Pei Yuanzhen's residence. She became more and more strange and murmured: "What's going on? Why don't there be anyone?"

Looking at me, I just had a pale face and didn't say a word.

She whispered: "Sir, do you want to find someone to inform me?"

I paused and shook my head: "No need."

"ah?"

She was embarrassed on her face, but I had already raised my head and walked over.

The closer she got to her residence, the quieter she became. Even the rustling sound of the snow foam blown down from the eaves could be heard, as quiet as if a person's heart was the quietest and most protected garden, and he did not want anyone to come in to disturb him.

And the quieter my heart is, the deeper my heart is.

Finally, I walked down the steps, and I raised my hand gently and stopped Shui Xiu behind me. She just looked at me and did not ask anymore. I slowly walked up with a long robe.

The door was still empty, as if I didn't want the room to hold my breath too much, but there was a not-so-narrow crack in the door. The wind blew in with the snow and foam, and the layers of drooping curtains in the middle of the room were blown up. The snow disappeared into the room, as if it had never appeared before, but when the curtains fell lightly, I could vaguely feel the warmth inside.

And that quiet picture.

On the small bed, there was a pale woman lying. One hand was stretched out of the brocade quilt, and there was a white jade bracelet on her round wrist. Her hand seemed to have been outside for a long time. It was so cold that the color was almost the same as the white jade bracelet, as if she was waiting for someone to appear and put it back.

I couldn't see her face because it was blocked by the people beside the bed. I didn't know whether she was angry or sad at this time. Just looking at the back in front of the bed made me almost exhaust all my strength to not fall down.

He sat there quietly, not sure how long it had been.

I couldn't see his face, I could only feel his silence. The quietness seemed to be silent even in my soul. I lowered my head, and my half-sided face looked thin and angular. My slender eyelashes fell slightly. I wonder what kind of eyes there were.

Did you ever see me with such gentle eyes?

A hot heat surged up, and I felt blurry in front of me, and I was hazy by the water, and I couldn't see anything.

At this time, he heard his low voice ringing inside the house-

"Put your hands back. Don't catch a cold."

The room was quiet for a moment, and then a serene sound rang out.

Did she put it back herself? Or—

I opened my eyes hard, trying to see this scene clearly, but the hot tears kept rolling in my eyes, and finally came out of my eyes and slashed over my cold cheeks, which made me tremble, but I couldn't see anything, whether it was what I wanted to see or I didn't want to see.

The room returned to its previous quietness, but this time, the cold and pale hand finally put it back.

And my hand was slowly clenched, and my fingertips were already cold.

More tears flowed down my eyes, drawing traces of embarrassment, almost crazily raging on my cheeks. I finally saw clearly, but I had missed it.

I missed his past, missed his years, and even this scene, I missed it.

Thinking of this, I almost had the urge to cry, but when I opened my mouth, I could only hear a nearly hoarse sound in my throat, as if something was struggling and couldn't cry, only tears, like a flood that broke through the dam, surging and falling.

I turned around and walked away.

Just as I turned around and walked down the first step, Pei Yuanzhen's gentle voice came from the room behind me: "Qinghan?"

“…”
Chapter completed!