Chapter 17

It was a rare sunny day when I was discharged from the hospital. It was raining for several consecutive days. When I woke up in the morning and saw the warm golden sun outside the window, the haze in my heart was also wiped out.

After packing up my things, thanking the doctor and nurse, I left the hospital. I picked some things on the street and planned to see Xiao Yiyi, the little girl I met in the garden that day. I often went to see her these days, and I became much familiar with their family. After being discharged from the hospital, I should say that it was appropriate.

When I went there, the little girl had just woken up. Her mother was feeding her. When she saw me coming, she called "Uncle Mu". Her mouth was wrapped in her mouth and her cheeks were round.

"Why did you come here so early today? Have you had breakfast?" When her mother saw me, she hurriedly wanted to get up and greet him. I waved her hand and told her not to worry about me. "It's okay, I'm discharged from the hospital today. Let's say goodbye to you."

"Are you healthy? It's so good. We still have to endure it." Yiyi's mother sighed with a smile.

"It's okay, after you get through this level, Yiyi will be healthy and safe all her life." I walked over and put all the fruits, snacks and toys I bought for her on the table. Xiaoyi's eyes lit up suddenly. She wanted to reach out and turned to her mother hesitantly.

Yiyi's mother suddenly became anxious. She put down the bowl and walked over to take back all the things, Lianlian said she could not ask for them.

"How much is this little thing worth? Just by calling me Uncle Mu, can't I buy something for her?" My attitude was even more firm. It happened that Yiyi's father called her to ask her mother to go downstairs to get things. She couldn't tell me, so she had to take it away with a blushing face and thank you repeatedly.

"Go quickly, I'll help you watch her." I sat next to Xiao Yiyi and took the bowl on the cabinet to feed her.

"Oh, why can you please let her eat it by herself..."

"Go quickly, her dad should wait for an urgent matter." If she continues to say this, I quickly interrupted her. Yiyi's mother thanked her again before leaving the door. I smiled and shook her head. This family is so simple and cute.

When Xiao Yiyi's meal was almost done, I put down the bowl and took out an envelope from my bag, "Yiyi, this is a gift from my uncle." I carefully placed the envelope under Xiao Yiyi's pillow, and the little girl looked at me curiously with her eyes wide open. "But, this gift is very special. You have to promise uncle that you can tell your mother to help you open it after the uncle leaves."

"Can't you open it now?" Xiao Yiyi was completely attracted by my attention and asked nervously.

"No, if you open it now, the gift will disappear." The little girl's appearance was so fun. I lowered my voice and teased her: "The witch will use magic to turn it away."

"Don't change!!" Xiao Yiyi hurriedly pressed the pillow with her hand, as if a witch would appear and turn the envelope away the next second. I smiled and touched her head, "So, can you promise uncle?"

"Okay!" Xiao Yiyi nodded with a serious expression. I reached out to hook her up, making her giggle again.

After Yiyi's parents came back, I said goodbye to the family. Before I walked out of the ward, I looked at the happy family of three again, silently blessed them in my heart before turning around and leaving.

In the envelope is a bank card and a letter with a password written.

In the letter, I told them that I was an orphan and had an incurable disease. I had decided to give up treatment. I had not had a few days left in my life, so money was useless to me. It would be better to help them, a family that is destined to be with me. If I don’t make up a reason for it, this honest and despicable couple will probably save the card for me and will never use the money on it.

I left the hospital and chose a beautiful bunch of flowers in the flower shop. I went to buy two boxes of mung bean cakes. I took a taxi to the cemetery. I was a little surprised when I got off the bus. The air here was so quiet and beautiful, and it was really a good place. I first asked the cemetery management office about the cemetery where my mother was. I searched for it for a long time before I found it.

There is a photo of her youngness on the tombstone, and the figure is a little blurry, and I don’t know where it was found. The stele platform is clean, and there are small stone lions carved vividly on both sides.

I stood there, not knowing what to say, but it took me a long time to remember to put down the flowers and mung bean cakes.

"That...I bought your favorite mung bean cake..."

"I'll come to see you."

I seem to overestimate my psychological endurance.

I have imagined a lot before. I had already made plans so I thought I would be very calm, but at this moment, I was really standing here and looking at the person who was laughing and moving before suddenly turned into a cold stone tablet. The huge pain that suddenly swept through my heart made me confused. The scenes where my mother and I were together flashed rapidly in my mind, and my nose suddenly felt sore and uncomfortable. Before my eyes blurred, I coughed hard, turned my head and took a few deep breaths.

I don’t want to cry, there is nothing to cry. I won’t treat myself so cruelly, letting myself live in guilt and pain all my life, so there is nothing to cry. Everything will end soon, and when I think of this, my heart calms down.

"The scenery here is really nice." I turned around and smiled at the tombstone. There were lush trees around me. Perhaps the sun was bright and breeze was just right today. Even such a place would not be uncomfortable. I just felt peaceful and quiet.

"It's really... I don't know what to say after a long time." I felt uncomfortable with my nose. Actually, there were many things that could be said, but many things that I didn't want to say. If I really said, nothing was a happy thing, and there was no good news to report. I simply didn't speak anymore, just sat down and accompanied her quietly, listening to the "brushing" sound of the wind blowing among the leaves, and thinking nothing in my mind.

I sat there for an afternoon and left when the sun sets. I just came to determine whether she was good or not and see how she was sleeping. Now I feel relieved and there is nothing to worry about.

When I was sitting in the taxi back to the city, I felt a little tired and even felt it was difficult to breathe. I woke up from that dream and the things that have been supporting me have finally reached their limits. I seemed to hear the sound of it collapsed and cracked.

When I was about to arrive, I asked the car to park on the side of the road and walked slowly towards Pingqiao Park.

When I arrived at the park, there were many people, most of them who came out to exercise after dinner. I walked through the crowd and sat down on the stone bench by the Pingqiao Lake. There were old people playing chess next to me, and children who had just learned to walk in the distance ran around shaking their calves while being cared for by adults. I looked at them leisurely, and occasionally I couldn't help laughing with the crowd's laughter.

"Push forward! Why are you afraid that I will support you behind you!" Two high school boys next to me were learning to bike.

"Don't be crooked with your palm!...Don't be crooked, don't be crooked...Ah!!!" Both of them fell to the ground with a bang. The boy who was holding the car was so angry that he pinched another boy's face. The person who was pinched turned around and strangled his neck. The two started fighting like this.

I was funny watching next to me, and suddenly I thought of Yi Tian and me. I thought of him at that time when he left after the fight, wiping the blood on his hands. "Thank you, classmate", "What's your name?" "Student, let's make friends." He chased me all the way. At first, he ignored me, but later he was so annoyed by me that he stopped and looked at me with a look of a psychopathy and said, "Are you fucking sick?" After being imaginary heroes of justice, I said this, and I kept my face red for a long time before I said, "I'm not sick."

As I thought about it, I laughed out loud. I don’t know where I got the courage at that time. I followed him every day and was so annoyed by him that I still didn’t leave.

I am too lonely. I want a friend too much but I am so inferior that I never dare to approach others. I have experienced so many bullying and insults since I was a child, and he is the only one who saved me. Even when I was beaten by my adoptive parents to the point of blood, my neighbors just called the police and looked at me from a distance with pitiful and sympathetic eyes. No one even wanted to come up to help me wipe the blood on my face. I suddenly met Yi Tian, ​​and I could not see anything except him.

I still remember the first time he smiled at me was a month after we met.

I heard that he was sick, so I took the porridge he made to see him. I searched for a long time before I found his house. Before I could recover from the shock of the fountain of the garden of his house, a dog ran towards me. I didn't know that it was a husky that was not hurtful and ripe, but I saw the dog that was tall, strong and looked like a wolf so scared that I ran away. I didn't know how long I ran in the garden. In the end, I was so tired that I couldn't run. The dog was thrown to the ground from behind, his face was buried in the grass, the porridge in the thermos was knocked over, and a dog sat on my back. When I struggled to sit up with grass and mud on my face, I found Yi Tian, ​​who was not far away, was covered with his stomach and laughed and squatted on the ground. At that moment, I heard my heartbeat getting faster and faster, and I felt that if he could be so happy, I would have to bury my face in the grass for the rest of my life.

I recalled those warm pictures over and over again.

Until now I dared to admit that I didn't stop loving him for a second.

When I closed my eyes, it was his eyes, his tightly pursed corners of his lips, and the breath on his body. Only in my memories can I look at him, talk to him, blame him, and miss him. Later, I liked him so much that I lost my mind and tortured by the longing and paranoia in my heart every day, so I did stupid things in a mess. My result today was entirely caused by myself. I don’t blame anyone, I just hate myself.

I have lived for more than 20 years, but I just helped my biological parents prove that it was indeed a mistake for them to give birth to me.

The night was getting deeper and there were fewer people around. In the end, even the couples sitting by the lake left, leaving me alone. I got up and walked to the lake. The lake water was deep and turbid under the night, and there was nothing to see.

When my body touched the lake, it couldn't help but tremble. It was cold, and it was biting cold. It was as if someone had a ice drill and was chiseled open the skin and bones bit by bit and then penetrated into the bone marrow. It was as small as a needle and was pricked and tingled all over the body.

When the lake water is overhead, you can vaguely see the blurry shadows of trees by the lake. The water flows from all directions to pour into your mouth and nose, slowly sinking, and you can't see anything.

My chest began to feel stuffy and I closed my eyes.

I have been stumbled and even bleeding all my life.

I also had the idea of ​​giving up because the road was too rugged, but in the end I persisted. Because I wanted to meet people I trust and like, because I wanted to be loved, and because I wanted to be happy.

Unfortunately, I failed myself in the end.

Then...if.

If there is really a god, if there is really a next life, give me a home.

END.
Chapter completed!