...

Sun Wen sat alone on the hillside, putting his hand on his knees, holding a cigarette between his fingers, but he just kept it and didn't hand it to his mouth.

The ash slowly grows, like the burning hope gradually fades away.

The wind blew, and the wind blew from afar against the ground, passing through the lush vegetation, blowing through the past, blowing away the long ashes and the rising wisps of smoke.

The family arranged a blind date for him. The top students came back from a big city and were always very popular, but none of them could succeed - he really couldn't do it anymore.

I went to the hospital for a secret visit, and the doctor said it was a psychological problem. He didn't know whether this psychology was a sequelae of being kept, or because of the child taken away by Xu Wei, or because of something else.

Anyway, he can't do it anymore and doesn't want to commit any more evil.

Yes, no matter who he married in the village, it would ruin his family.

So it is naturally regarded as a monster-

He couldn't say that he had two children outside, one son and one daughter.

He had never seen their faces before, didn't know where they were, how they were now, or even when they were birthdays, but only knew about that time of winter.

Maybe he is really a monster... Sun Wen himself feels that he doesn't live like a person. He tried his best to get out of the exam, went out of the mountain village to the big city, wanted to make a name for himself, and wanted to leave this small mountain village forever.

However, in the end he came back, and with the scars outside, he turned into a monster.

After going around for more than ten years, I finally returned to the starting point. What is the purpose of?

He couldn't figure it out.

My original dream now looks like a joke. If I could do it again, maybe I shouldn’t have taken the college entrance exam from the beginning. Staying here to find a woman to get married and have children, and continuing the circle of my parents, it is the best choice.

It is very good for his wife and children to be warm on the bed, but it is also a luxury for him now.

The last bit of Mars remained on the cigarette butt between his fingers. Sun Yat-sen raised his hand and took a hard sip. The spicy smell of the burning filter poured into his throat, making his thin face wrinkle, but did not spit it out, but took a deep breath, felt the spicyness of his lungs, threw the cigarette butt on the ground and crushed it hard, and then patted his butt to stand up.

However, in his thirties, the strong and healthy man's back was already a little hunched, his clothes were hanging loosely on his body, and his face no longer had the vitality. The wind and sun shine, making him a rough man, with only vicissitudes left.

Ignorance is a kind of happiness, because they don’t ask for much, the price of wheat has risen by three points, and the pork has dropped by more than one piece, which can make them happy - Sun Yat-sen envy them now, the people in the village and those he used to look down upon.

Smoke rose from the dilapidated temple in the distance. He looked down the hillside and walked towards him. This habit was learned from Xu Wei. She always went to Datong Temple on the outskirts of Luocheng on the first and fifteenth day of the lunar month to watch two incense sticks. He used to sneer, but now he has become a devout believer.

Because there he could feel the peace of mind.

Whenever the night is late, he can't sleep, and he always thinks of the two children, imagining the way the two babies call him dad, with short legs and small arms so thin, crawling around him, and then his heart thrusts and sores, as if he was stabbed on the tip of his heart and slowly rotated, blood dripping out, cold.

The night was like a big hand squeezing him, making him unable to breathe, curling himself into a ball, trying to shrink into the dust.

Only the merciful and solemn statue in front of him could make him feel a hint of warmth. Sun Wen lit a small handful of incense candles, gently waved it to extinguish the flames, stepped forward and inserted it into the incense burner, and watched the curling blue smoke rise and float onto the Buddha statue.

"Do you want to eat together?"

It was almost dusk, and the vegetarian dishes in the temple were ready, one porridge and one dish. The old monk originally only made his own portion, but now he is preparing to divide half of them.

"Thanks."

Sun Wen did not refuse and followed him to the backyard.

The vegetables are cabbage, which the old monk planted on the hillside by himself, and the porridge is millet porridge, which is bought under the hillside - or half-buy and half-get.

Some people in the nearby villages believe in Buddhism, some don’t, and some are half-believing. Sometimes when they have to do something, they will always send some steamed buns or rice flour when they meet an old monk, and ask them to say: Master asks the Buddha to bless me and sell more money/let Buddha bless my child to get the first place in the exam, etc., which is considered a thought.

There was not much porridge, and it was even less for two people to divide it into a bowl. Sun Yat-sen could even drink it in two bites, but he didn't do that. He took the cold steamed buns handed by the old monk, chewed it slowly with chopsticks and porridge.

When he was in Luocheng, he also went to Datong Temple with Xu Wei to eat vegetarian food, but the vegetarian food there is much better than here, including vegetarian chickens and ducks, and all kinds of dishes are even much worse than hotels.

It's just that there is no peace at this moment.

At dusk, the sun sets, two people are sitting on small wooden stools in the dilapidated temple backyard, eating supper quietly. The wind blows in from the door, bringing a hint of coolness to the summer dusk.

After pushing the last bite of porridge into his mouth, Sun Wen got up and washed his bowl next to him. Seeing that there was not much water in the bucket, he also made two buckets of water from the well. Now the village has tap water, and only this old antique is left here, which is not easy to use. Occasionally there will be no water. At that time, you need to go to a very far away village to fetch water and push it back with a small wheelbarrow.

The outside world is changing with each passing day, but it has not affected the small temple in this remote mountain valley. Everything has stayed decades ago, giving Sun Yat-sen a sense of unreality when he returned to his childhood.

He likes this feeling.

"Are there really gods and Buddhas in this world?"

Since that thank you, Sun Yat-sen said the second sentence, breaking the tranquility of the ancient temple.

The old monk glanced at him, shook his head and said, "I don't know."

"Then you are here..." Sun Wen pursed his lips, not knowing what words should be used as appropriate.

"I'm just used to it." The old monk understood what he meant and patted his clothes covered with patches, "Or where else can I go?"

“…”

Sun Wen was speechless.

I thought I was a hidden practitioner, but I didn't expect that I was just an old man who was struggling in twilight years.

Habits are really a terrible thing, and when you want them, you just want them but don’t get them.

He also wanted to get used to his current life, but he always thought of the things left outside.

"You can see that you are different from them."

The old monk put a ragged futon at the door, sat down to enjoy the cool air, looked into the distance and said, "Some things, maybe I can tell me, anyway, I'm almost going to be buried in the soil, I can't take anything away, and I can't keep anything." He turned his head and looked at Sun Wen, "I haven't seen what the outside world looks like."

"Outside...there are all monsters and monsters outside."

Sun Wen smiled, his face tugging at the corner of his mouth, looking a little stiff.

He looked around and pulled a futon, put it in front of the door and sat down, leaning against the door frame, and memories appeared in his expression.

Have betrayed my partner once.

Destroy other people's marriage.

Leave your dignity aside.

Make black with competitors.

There are also two children who cannot recognize them.
Chapter completed!