009, Choice and Conflict

"I introduced two partners to me. They both felt good and got along well. They all looked at me. The first one is that the person is very beautiful and has a very good figure. He is very charming and has a little charming and is not good at housework. The second one is that the person is also good-looking, and he is very virtuous. He is very kind to me.

I feel very distressed now and don’t know what to do, so I came here to ask for help... Teacher Ding, according to the situation I just introduced, according to you, which one is more suitable to choose?" The speaker was a 26-year-old man named Chen Hang. He was quite handsome. He was leaning against the sofa with his right hand on his right leg and his left leg. He was laughing when he asked.

This is the psychological counseling room. Ding Qi was sitting on Shen Hang's right, paying attention to observing the other party's words and reactions. Just judging from the questions told by the helper, it is a typical "double avoidance psychological conflict."

Human behavior usually has its own purpose, and the goals that people want to achieve are often not one but multiple, and there are often contradictions and conflicts between these motivations.

If there are two goals that are equally attractive, but only one of them can be chosen to achieve one of them is called double-trend conflict. If both goals want to avoid them, but only one of them can be chosen to avoid them is called double-avoid conflict. If there are multiple goals at the same time, both have pros and cons, and there are gains and losses when making decisions, which is a double-avoid conflict.

This kind of problem is easy to understand and almost everyone will encounter it. Ding Qi understood it as soon as he heard it. But he asked from another perspective: "Mr. Chen, you said you didn't know what choice to make, and you were very distressed. But when you said this, I noticed that you did not react in distress. This is a bit contradictory. Can you tell me what's going on?"

Chen Hang was stunned for a moment, frowned slightly and said, "Teacher Ding, do you mean that I was lying just now?"

Ding Qi explained: "No, I believe what you are talking about is true. But when you said you were worried about it, I didn't find that you were really worried. This is a bit strange. Can you analyze it yourself?"

Of course, psychologists should be good at observation. Sometimes some people will conceal or disguise their expressions, making the expressions inconsistent with the real emotional state. In this case, two phenomena can be observed. One is whether there is any contradiction between facial expressions and eyes, or whether there is any contradiction between expressions and body postures; the other is whether there is "expression delay".

The so-called delayed expression means that the expression reaction is normal and slow. For example, the mouth is wide and the eyebrows are raised to express surprise, usually when you notice the things that are causing them to surprise. If you think about it for a little bit, you feel that you should be surprised, and then react with surprise, it will be a little slower.

This is often a momentary delay and is not easy to observe, but a trained psychologist can discover it.

The young man in front of him was fine. His expression was not concealed, and he was a normal reaction. He seemed very cheerful and obviously proud, but he was telling him that he was very distressed. If he was a schizophrenia patient, this was an "emotional perversion" disorder. But this young man was obviously not a patient, so there was only another possibility - he was right and wrong.

The psychological counselor must listen carefully, accept the other party, empathize with the other party, but it is not what the person seeking help says. If you analyze it only based on the other party's self-report, this is a double-avoiding psychological conflict, and then resolve the conflict, but the real problem of the person seeking help is not here, then the consultation will not be effective at all.

Ding Qi has seen many people who speak quarrels and have a lot of dissatisfaction.

Chen Hang said a moment of confusion and changed the topic: "Teacher, I'm here to ask you for help. Actually, I want you to analyze and analyze it for me. Which one should I choose? You are professional and must have a good vision. I believe in your vision!"

Ding Qi smiled. The helper was avoiding the question just now. He didn't intend to force the other party to admit it. As long as the other party realizes it is OK, he replied with a smile: "Mr. Chen, I think you still have some misunderstandings about psychological counseling. We do not solve the specific problems of reality for the helper, and it is impossible to make such a choice for you directly."

Chen Hang said a little dissatisfied: "Then what can you do?"

Ding Qi explained patiently: "We can only help you solve psychological problems. If you feel distress and anxiety, it affects your work and life. We help you analyze the causes of distress and anxiety and find ways to relieve and eliminate it. So I hope you will tell me, what can help you?"

Chen Hang waved his left hand and sighed exaggeratedly: "Oh, this kind of problem can only be solved by yourself, others can't help! I'm actually worried about this kind of thing. Teacher Ding, do you think I'm sick?"

Ding Qi still smiled and said, "You are not sick. This is a normal emotional reaction for normal people. Everyone will encounter problems that make them bother and will have inner conflicts, but it is normal in spirit."

Ding Qi had long seen that Chen Hang was not expressing his distress, but instead wanted to prove his excellence with a sense of flaunt, so as to gain some satisfaction. If he could scold such a person from the perspective of an ordinary person, he might say "the brain is sick", but from the perspective of a psychologist or a psychiatrist, he was indeed not sick.

Chen Hang continued to say to himself: "Actually, I have thought about it, just get along with two people at the same time... Do you think my thoughts are unhealthy?"

Ding Qi replied with a very sensible attitude: "Mental health from a professional perspective is different from the so-called ideological health of ordinary people. The problems that psychological counseling needs to be solved are only for psychological state. If you have any inner conflicts or anxiety, you can tell me truthfully. Don't worry, our talks are confidential."

Psychological counseling is not social conversation, not comfort and enlightenment, nor ideological education. Whether or not ordinary people say that the mental health of the counselor is different from whether there is a psychological problem in the eyes of the counselor. Psychological counselors abide by the principle of value establishment and do not impose their own values ​​on the person seeking help, but on the other hand, they should also pay attention to their guiding stance.

If Chen Hang said the idea of ​​two objects working together, Ding Qi would not directly praise or criticize, nor would he express any support or approval.

The counselor does not solve the actual problems of the life of the person seeking help, and will not provide the answers to choose one or two, let alone the answers that both of them have chosen. If the person seeking help really makes a choice but turns back and claims that this is the advice of the psychological counselor, the person who is dissatisfied with this will find an explanation and will make the fun.

Seeing that Ding Qi was like this, Chen Hang said again: "I was just a joke just now, don't take it seriously. If you have any worries, this is probably the worries of love!"

Ding Qi immediately reminded: "This seems not a problem of love. Judging from your statement, you should not have completely entered the stage of love from a psychological perspective. It is just a problem of rational choice with self-centeredness."

Chen Hang immediately became energetic and owed his body and said, "Oh, teacher, can you tell me what love is? What does the love stage from a psychological perspective mean?"

Ding Qi smiled bitterly and said, "I am not a thinker or scholar, so I cannot define love, and it is difficult for psychologists to define love. At the end of the century, academic experts in various fields in the world had a big discussion on what love is, but there was no definite conclusion in the end. Although we cannot give it a clear definition, we can summarize several characteristics in the psychological perspective...

Judging from your statement, I have not observed these characteristics, neither passion nor partner characteristics are obvious. The interdependence of emotional involvement, the altruistic motivation to please the other person, the high dependence of intimacy, and the three dimensions of psychology regarding love characteristics, are not expressed enough in your relationship with these two objects.

Maybe your emotions with any of them have not yet developed to this stage. So this is not a problem of love, nor is it a problem of choosing feelings or choosing reality. In fact, this doesn’t matter much. Many people have not experienced this stage and still established a marriage and love relationship recognized by society. This is still a matter of personal choice.

So the focus we are going to talk about today is not the problem caused by love, but your personal understanding of ‘choice’.”

Chen Hang was a little confused by the kid, as if he had already realized something, leaned forward and said, "Teacher, then according to your opinion, what problems can a person like me have?"

At first he was not really here to ask for help, nor did he have the psychological conflict he was telling. The purpose at the beginning was just to prove his excellence and get satisfaction from the striking statement. Even if someone criticized him for being fickle, he would also gain satisfaction, because this evaluation was not a real denial to him.

If the consultant sees such a helper, he often does not expect the consultation target and satisfies the other party's request for comment. But since the other party is already sitting in front of him, Ding Qi is still very responsible and asked a little abruptly: "Mr. Chen, where do you eat lunch on weekdays and how do you eat lunch?"

Chen Hang was stunned and replied with some surprise: "Our company is not big, there is no employee cafeteria, and lunch is usually ordered with takeout."

Ding Qi: "How do you order food every day, how long does it take, and generally not satisfied with the lunch?"

Although Chen Hang was not sure, he still replied: "I usually listen to my colleagues recommend something or ask others what they taste good. As for whether I am satisfied or not, I will talk about it, so that's the matter."

Ding Qi changed his mind again: "Who should you choose these two parties? Have you asked your parents?"

Chen Hang said in a slightly resentful tone: "Of course I asked! But they said it's OK, depending on what I mean, otherwise I wouldn't be so troublesome? I even came to find a psychological counselor!"

Ding Qi finally guided the key points. This young man did have some problems, which can be summarized as "choose dependence" or "external ruling". Although he still talks about personality disorder, his personality is also flawed.

There are many things in life that require choices, and each choice has its pros and cons, and there are the possibility of mistakes, so choices are also responsible. Therefore, some people avoid making choices, and subconsciously feel that they do not have to bear certain responsibilities.

"Select dependence" and "Select difficulty" have similarities, but there are also differences, mainly whether you want to take responsibility and whether you pursue a sense of security or superiority that is irresponsible. Responsibility is not attribution. When the consequences of choices occur, such people often attribute the favorable side to their own factors and the unfavorable side to others' factors.

There are many things that you have to make a choice, such as the question of eating rice or noodles. If you don’t eat, you will always starve to death if you don’t eat. But there are many ways to choose, and relying on others is also a way, which reflects everyone’s inner tendencies and behavioral habits.

This is not simply a question of whether one can be independent or independent, whether one has a strong personality or a weak personality. In fact, such people are often very stubborn and have a strong sense of self.

Therefore, Chen Hang's psychology is contradictory. He thinks that he has outstanding conditions and can have multiple choices that are envied by ordinary people at the same time, from satisfaction and self-affirmation. But on the other hand, he does not want to take the responsibility for choice. Therefore, his real inner conflict is not whether the two objects are better, but that he has a problem himself.

When the consultation enters this stage, you can negotiate the consultation plan and determine the specific consultation goals. Ding Qi pointed out the issue of Shen Hang, analyzed it very clearly and carefully, and finally said: "We first determine a small goal and develop an acceptable plan. Adjust daily behavior from the perspective of self-knowledge, and then adjust your thinking habits. You start with taking out lunch every day... okay?"

Before pushing the door and leaving, Chen Hang suddenly turned around and said, "Teacher Ding, I admire you very much. I really want to make friends. If you have any questions, please ask you for advice. Can you leave a contact information?"

Ding Qi expressed a gentle expression but also resolutely: "This violates our professional regulations and does not meet the work requirements, which is even less beneficial to psychological counseling itself. If you have consultation needs and are not convenient to be present in person, you can also make an appointment for telephone consultation or online consultation through mental health, but the effect is better when you come to the on-site consultation."

The psychological counselor and the person seeking help do not have a realistic relationship outside the consultation room, otherwise they will deviate from their professional identity. Chen Hang clearly stipulates that there are prompts before the consultation meeting begins, but he still put forward this additional request and tried it, so that his psychological habits can be seen.

Ding Qi encountered many such situations, for different reasons. As for Shen Hang, he obviously had a dependence on Ding Qi, and hoped that Ding Qi would have more responsibility for himself outside the consultation. He spent 600 yuan and conducted a psychological consultation to solve the confusion in life, and then he had a solution. This is unrealistic and no expert could do it.

This is exactly the mentality that Shenhang needs to change. Ding Qi has provided specific solutions, but he still needs to solve it himself after returning. Ding Qi has a feeling that after clearly rejecting Shenhang's request, no matter how effective the consultation is, Shenhang will not come to him again.

In fact, after every psychological counseling, Ding Qi will make a judgment, whether the person seeking help will come again? And this judgment is almost 100% accurate!

When Chen Hang walked out of his mental health, he looked up at the sunlight that was slanted at 5:30 in the afternoon. He felt a little dazzling. After only about an hour of psychological counseling, he felt inexplicably like a different life. Before entering the psychological counseling room, he did not expect that such a result would be.

It was clearly the question of who should choose between the two parties, but after I got a homework, I completed the takeaway ordering on my own every lunch, and made records in this process to analyze my feelings and thoughts...

It was already off work time, but Ding Qi did not leave. He went to the office of the building. The consultation room was not an office. He had an office desk and a cabinet for storing information in the psychiatric department. Ding Qi sat at the desk and was thinking about doing a mental appraisal for Tian Qi. The result was this afternoon.

In another room in the same building, Professor Liu Feng signed his name with a serious expression. His handwriting was very neat and he wrote it one by one. Each stroke was very focused and serious, not sloppy at all, which was different from the usual circle of signatures in office documents.

Ding Qi, one of the three original appraisers, was replaced by the least qualified Ding Qi. In fact, according to the regulations, two appraisers can also complete the appraisal procedure, but the relevant leaders attached great importance to this case. Liu Feng "decided" to replace Ding Qi because he had little qualifications and insufficient work experience, so the three appraisers still completed the appraisal together.

So in this field, who has the most qualifications and authority? Of course, it is Liu Feng. If Liu Feng himself doesn't want it, the relevant leaders will also let him. The potential impact of this case may be great. The identification must be absolutely authoritative. It is best to be hosted by Liu Feng, a great expert. However, this can minimize criticism.

As Ding Qi had expected before, the identification itself was not complicated, and the result was already revealed: the suspect Tian Qi suffered from delusional mental disorder, had no self-awareness at the time of the incident, could not identify and control his behavior, and had no criminal responsibility. Given that his social harm is extremely harmful and had serious consequences, he should accept compulsory medical treatment.

Perhaps the following sentence is the key point. Liu Feng not only gave the identification conclusion, but also gave a clear opinion to the judge. It is not the common "potential social harm", but the "extreme social harm", nor the "proposal for compulsory medical treatment" in most cases, but the "compulsory medical treatment should be accepted".

According to the understanding of most ordinary people, the so-called compulsory medical treatment is forced to be imprisoned in a mental hospital. Within the scope of the appraiser's responsibilities, Liu Feng can only do so much.

The conclusion is very clear. It seems that Tian Qi will escape criminal punishment this time. Lu Che, who was sitting on Liu Feng's left, felt a little stuffy and felt that he was not breathing smoothly. It seemed that something was holding it in his heart made him very angry, but he had no way to vent on such occasions.

Lu Che is not an expert from the academy. He graduated from the police academy thirty years ago with a college degree and joined the public security police officer team. He was a criminal police officer at the beginning and studied in-service adult education. He successively obtained college and bachelor's degree, and later received government-sponsor training. He became a forensic doctor twenty years ago, obtained judicial appraiser qualifications five years ago, and just turned 50 this year.

Lu Che has been a criminal investigation officer who has been in the industry for 30 years. He has been dealing with criminal cases for half his life, solving the case and arresting criminals. He has made meritorious service and received awards many times. He had a hot temper in his early years, and could not rub sand in his eyes, and could not tolerate any brutal criminal escaping. Now he is old and looks much better, but he still has a heart that hates evil.

Before the final appraisal result was released, Lu Che even had an inexplicable fantasy in his heart, hoping that Liu Feng would make a conclusion that he had "full criminal responsibility ability". With Liu Feng's identity and professional level, as long as he gave the appraisal result, it would be an authoritative conclusion.

But this was just a flash of thought, and Lu Che knew that this could only be an unrealistic delusion. From a professional perspective, there was actually nothing to question about the identification result, and he himself came to the same conclusion. Seeing that Liu Feng had signed the autograph, Lu Che also signed his name with a stern face. Although he was very unwilling to accept it, he could only do so.

Another appraisal expert sitting on Liu Feng's right side, Zhong Dafang, also signed his name, and there was no expression on his face. Zhong Dafang is the one who has the least presence of the three appraisal experts today. It seems that he is just here to serve as a foil. If there was no matter how to remove the appraisal person, the original role should belong to Ding Qi.

Zhong Dafang is in his early 40s this year. He was the backbone of R&F's business. He was the deputy director of the mental health and mind of Jinghu University Affiliated Hospital. Liu Feng also served as the director. Zhong Dafang graduated from Yuanjinghu Medical College. When he was in his undergraduate degree, Liu Feng was his teacher. In other words, he was also Ding Qi's senior brother.

In fact, when Lu Che was on duty, he also gave lectures by Liu Feng. The main subjects were criminal psychology and spiritual identification. In Jinghu City and even the whole province, many people are business backbones in the fields of psychology and psychiatry, and they are all involved in Liu Feng's relationship, which is also an authority of another meaning.

Liu Feng is very clear about his identity, the authority and professionalism it represents, especially the responsibilities he bears on such occasions. He can also detect Lu Che's mood at this moment and is very clear about the other party's inner conflict. As there is an inner conflict, he must make the right choice, which also means taking responsibility, and everyone is the same.
Chapter completed!