004, set a small goal first

At first, Liu Guonan claimed that he could not stand his mother's nagging and came to ask for help from his psychological counselor. But the key to the problem was that she insisted that men were not good things and did not want to have normal love and date with the opposite sex.

Usually, for this kind of psychological conflict, the counselor cannot directly tell the other party directly "how to know a man" and "how to get along with a man" at the beginning, although cognitive and behavioral adjustments are the final result.

In fact, the problem of "men are not good things" is very common in psychological counseling. In Ding Qi's three years of career experience, this is the 32nd case, and he will encounter it almost every month on average. However, the reasons that lead to this cognition and affect work or life vary.

For example, sexual orientation problems and personality disorders have experienced major emotional blows, resulting in stress responses caused by traumatic shadows. Some people also have social disorders, fear of contact, poor adaptation to society, and difficulty in normal love and interaction, but they find an excuse for their avoidance behavior and self-suggestion. Over time, this solidified concept will also be formed.

The name Liu Guonan sounded very masculine, and it was her father. Because her parents wanted a boy at the beginning, they gave birth to a girl, Liu Guonan had no choice. She was not confident in her female charm since she was a child, or subconsciously thought that she was not so sexy and beautiful enough, and lacked attractiveness to the opposite sex.

This suggestion of inferiority leads to a strong self-protection mentality. This feeling is unconscious and she herself does not clearly recognize it. Many people have such problems. In most cases, the impact is not too serious and can usually be self-relieved.

During Liu Guonan's college days, the other five girls in the same dormitory had boyfriends, and they all moved outside the school to rent a house to live together. In the end, she was the only one left in the dormitory.

Many people often do not face their inferiority complex. Perhaps it is not that there are no boys pursuing her, but Liu Guonan's personality does make it difficult for boys to get close to each other. In the strong contrast, "no boys like me" eventually became "never a man is a good thing", giving himself a reasonable explanation, making his cognition and behavior more solidified.

So what she called men was not all men, but men who might have had a close relationship with her. Later experiences might have a greater impact on her. Those were five girls in the same dormitory. Although they dated their boyfriends and rented a house outside the school, they all had their hands before and after graduation for various reasons. Although the probability was too great, this was also a common situation on university campuses.

Liu Guonan has always had a strong concern for the opposite sex and has good and desire for the relationship between the two sexes, but she rejects this impulse in her emotions, which leads to inner conflicts.

As for the necklace with sapphire pendants, it is just a factor that triggers serious psychological problems in a specific scenario, which also symbolizes that she cares about what others think of her in her heart, but she insists on a certain stubborn concept on the surface, as if she is protecting herself.

Ding Qi looked at Liu Guonan in front of him. From a man's perspective, she was actually very beautiful. She had good skin and figure. If you pay attention to decoration and dressing, you could be a very attractive beauty. However, Liu Guonan's outfit seemed to be deliberately or unintentionally covering up these. Her hair was combed neatly and her clothes were neat and clean. The three consecutive consultations were not the same outfit, but the feeling was a bit difficult to describe.

The necklace she wore today, with a very exaggerated lace hanging down, which just covered the curve of her chest and couldn't show the beauty of her waist. Jinghu, a southern city located on the bank of the Yangtze River, is a bit hot in September, and most of the young girls are still wearing gorgeous skirts, but Liu Guonan is wearing a pair of semi-new and not old denim cropped trousers today.

The only eye-catching thing on her body was the pendant of the necklace on her chest, and the water-drop-shaped sapphire, which just set off the whiteness exposed on the neckline, but it was completely inconsistent with the overall outfit. After three consecutive consultations, Liu Guonan changed three sets of clothes, but always wore the necklace. In fact, they were not very well matched, so Ding Qi noticed it keenly.

After asking questions and telling, this psychological counseling meeting soon came to an end, and we need to agree on a solution to the problem next.

Ding Qi tried to smile gently and said, "We have discovered the problem. Now we need to discuss a reasonable solution to resolve your inner conflict. In fact, you are eager to be paid attention, but you are afraid of the consequences of intimate relationships and worry about being hurt. The root cause is also a kind of lack of confidence in yourself..."

Liu Guonan suddenly interrupted, "I heard that you men get a woman and cheat on the bed. After you get the freshness, you will feel boring and no longer exciting, and then you will gradually lose interest. Is that true?"

Liu Guonan's speech has become much more casual, and he has accidentally classified Ding Qi as a "man". Ding Qi responded with a wry smile and said with a wry smile: "No matter whether there is such a fact in reality, this statement just reflects your psychological problems. What we want to solve is your inner conflict. Now we are negotiating and consulting plans and set a small goal first, okay?"

Liu Guonan: "Set a small goal first? This is so familiar! Didn't it say the rich man Huang Jianlin?"

Ding Qi smiled again: "Setting a small goal first is also a common term for psychological counseling."

"Ah, that's right!" Liu Guonan asked with interest: "Then do you think Huang Jianlin will also go to psychological counseling regularly, and often hear this sentence, so when he was interviewed, he accidentally quoted it?"

Ding Qi: "Without factual basis, you can't talk so randomly. Today, regardless of Huang Jianlin's question, we will set our small goals first. After going back, I hope you can do a small homework, fill out a form by yourself, and try to do it according to the requirements of the form... I look forward to your feedback, and you are welcome to consult at any time."

After the consultation, the mental health was up to the end of get off work, but Ding Qi's day's work was not over. He went to the school again and came to the office of the vice president of his mentor Liu Feng, while Liu Feng was looking at the file alone. Ding Qi took out his mobile phone to search for nearby food, then asked the tutor to choose, and gave some suggestions in time to introduce which restaurants were newly opened or what new dishes have been launched recently.

Instructor Liu Feng did not go home today, so Ding Qi ordered takeout in the office to solve the dinner. Ding Qi already knew the taste of the instructor very well, and he could satisfy the instructor every time. Today, there were two dishes and one soup, both meat and vegetable. During the short period of waiting for the takeout to be delivered, when he saw Liu Feng put the file together, Ding Qi quickly packed up the information on the table and the miscellaneous items on the coffee table, and brewed a cup of tea for the instructor.

Many classmates and colleagues envied Ding Qi, but some people always had a hint of disdain when talking about him behind their backs, believing that Ding Qi was mainly good at flattering, flattering, and serving Liu Feng, the teacher and leader, very comfortable, so he received so much care and support.

From this we can also see that Ding Qi is very good at being a person and is quite likable. Otherwise, Liu Feng had taught so many students, why did he value him the most and be closest to him? Ding Qi himself never thought that his attitude towards his mentor was deliberately flattery and flattery, and a kind of respect and gratitude from the bottom of his heart.

What he did for his mentor, even the inconspicuous little details of daily life, felt very natural.

Ding Qi met Liu Feng when he participated in a clinical internship in the psychiatric department in the third grade of undergraduate. At that time, Liu Feng was very grateful to him and gave him a lot of encouragement and guidance. After Ding Qi graduated from undergraduate studies, he stayed at school and studied as a graduate student led by Liu Feng. Then he met his daughter Jia Jia at Liu Feng's house.

Liu Feng did not take the initiative to match his daughter Jia Jia and Ding Qi, but it was because of Liu Feng that Ding Qi had the opportunity to get to know and contact Jia Jia. The two developed into lovers on their own. Liu Feng was also happy to see it, and he praised it. Everything happened so naturally, and it seemed to be natural, and they were arranged by fate.

Ding Qi is just a college student from a remote third-tier county town. During his time at school, he was appreciated by "big figures" like Liu Feng and even got the young and beautiful daughter of the mentor. It was really smooth sailing and it was enviable.

Did Ding Qi seize the opportunity to get to know Liu Feng and achieve the goal of changing his destiny? No one can tell it clearly. In the eyes of outsiders, it may be true, but it is not a bad thing. In Ding Qi's eyes, Liu Feng is not only a respectable teacher, but also a loving father, even if he does not have the relationship with Jia Jia.

During the meal, Liu Feng asked with a smile: "I heard that you actually told ghost stories during your big class today?"

The news reached the tutor's ears so quickly? I don't know who said too much and made a report! But this was also expected by Ding Qi. He replied shyly: "This is an example that the tutor you collected and sorted out. I told us back then that I was using it in teaching, who made me your student!"

Liu Feng: "You asked the students present to raise their hands twice and analyzed in the classroom why there are many more people raising their hands the first time, and the teaching content is very well combined with the teaching content. But those three ghost stories... I was talking about a graduate class at the beginning, and the teaching content is also different. It is not very relevant to the class you are teaching today, and the quotes are more rigid! We cannot add inappropriate interesting content to deliberately cater to students."

Ding Qi said modestly: "Teacher, do you see it? I feel a little bit like this, after all, I can't use it as freely as you do."

Liu Feng smiled again and joked with an allusion: "You are indeed a little tender. You can analyze and summarize it in time, and don't always praise me. The 100 high hats you brought into the house just now are ninety-nine."

Ding Qi: "Summary and reflection must be a learning object. In fact, there is nothing we can do about telling ghost stories in the classroom. It is in line with the recent rectification requirements of the school leadership team..."

Liu Feng interrupted him with a wry smile, "I know this, I won't comment on it anymore. You can complete your teaching tasks well."

Jinghu University is ranked 211 and 985 projects and is one of the national key universities. In recent years, the central government has vigorously strengthened its anti-corruption efforts and has successively defeated several school leaders. The new school leadership team has put forward requirements for strengthening teaching management. In response to the phenomenon of many students skipping classes and absenteeism, everyone has put forward various rectification suggestions.

For example, the most controversial one is to install fingerprint attendance systems at the door of the classroom, like many units, and use fingerprints before and after class instead of naming. This obviously unrealistic proposal was of course rejected.

The interval between each class is only a dozen minutes long. Many students have to rush to other classrooms after class. For some major classes, more than 100 students often have to brush their fingerprints one by one. Moreover, the school is not a company, the students are not employees, and the campus is extremely mobile. The same group of students have to go to different classes in different classrooms every day, and there are many temporary changes.

If this type of attendance system is installed in every classroom, the cost of investment and the database that needs real-time maintenance will be very large and very impractical.

However, the faculty and staff basically talk from another perspective when discussing. Rujinghu University has a major in psychology and mental health. Many teachers study behavior predictions. They pointed out that students who do not want to class can completely ignore classes, and only need to press their fingerprints at the classroom door during the prescribed class and the end of get out of class.

Some teachers also pointed out that it is impossible to prevent students from sleeping in class, which is what is called "retaining people, not keeping their hearts." These opinions are being discussed seriously, and are told in private as jokes.

This unreliable suggestion was rejected, but there are other guiding opinions. If you want to go deep into the majority of students to investigate, what are the main reasons for skipping classes and sleeping in class? Based on the results obtained from the investigation, targeted rectification should be carried out in the teaching process.

The original intention of doing this is of course good, but in the eyes of psychology professionals like Ding Qi, the results of the questionnaire statistics can be thought of almost any heel. Because the subject of the survey is the students themselves, the questionnaire design is "Do you often skip classes or sleep in class", "What is the reason for you skip classes or sleeping?" and so on...

For the identity of the person under investigation, this implies a criticism of moral attribution. Not many people are willing to actively admit that this is due to self-interested factors such as school aversion, laziness, play games, and dating. Most people tend to attribute the phenomenon to external factors. As expected, the most important conclusion drawn from the investigation is that classroom teaching is lacking in fun, too boring and unattractive.

Since the school leadership team decided to do such an investigation, it had to take corresponding measures, so they issued rectification suggestions to all teachers, requiring everyone to increase interest and interactivity as much as possible in the teaching process and cultivate students' interest in learning.

This also made Ding Qi quite amused. In fact, whether it is quality education or skill education, the process of learning many knowledge must be boring. This is inevitable and it is impossible to pursue fun alone.

One of the important goals of educators is to cultivate students' understanding of the learning process and the purpose of learning itself, and to cultivate their learning ability and corresponding willpower. These, from the perspective of educational psychology and development psychology, must be basically completed in the primary school stage.

What is a person’s identity, what is he doing, and what should he do? This kind of problem is the same everywhere, it is the coordination of cognition, emotion, will and behavior, and it is very necessary to correct it at any time. For the school’s suggestions, although it is known that this is not the fundamental solution to the problem, Ding Qi is also trying his best to increase the attractiveness of the course.
Chapter completed!