Ding Qi didn't interrupt for a long time, just listened quietly. After Guan Xiaoyin finished speaking, he asked in a quiet voice: "No matter how bad these people are, can you think carefully and think where did these men represented by Xiaosha attract you?"

Guan Xiaoyin lowered her head and thought for a while, saying, "There are all good images, and they are very good at speaking. They are really caring when they are caring. Although they have all kinds of shortcomings, they are not unchangeable, but they are just dating later..."

Ding Qi interrupted her at the right time and said, "Don't talk about it later. This kind of attraction always exists, otherwise it will not be broken up and reunited. Just think about what it attracts you."

Many people have an angry saying, "Beauties love scumbags." Many people have ever sighed: "How come a good girl let such a man cause trouble?" This leads to another saying - flowers are inserted in cow dung. But people who say this often don't see another point, that is, what are the girls attracted to?

Those women actually love not scumbags, but prodigal sons. Such prodigal sons have enough experience in love. They know how to please others, how to praise and affirm the other person, and how to show the attractiveness of the opposite sex. The richer the emotional experience, the better they are in this regard, and know how to arouse others' favor and curiosity.

In this regard, many honest otaku who are nervous when they see girls speaking may not be able to compare with.

Guan Xiaoyin's mentality is very contradictory. She claimed that she was completely disappointed, but she ran to the psychologist for help, which proves that she still couldn't stop. It doesn't matter if a woman meets such a man or even is attracted to him. The key question is - have to know what she really wants?

Ding Qi thought about it and changed the topic: "Ms. Guan, you should be very successful in your career. Look at your appointment registration information, you are a private business owner. Can you talk about your career situation a little about your career?"

Guan Xiaoyin, who was still crying sadly just now, immediately got better when she heard about the topic, and even became a little excited. She began to introduce her entrepreneurial history. Her language and ideas were very coherent, and even Ding Qi couldn't even get into the conversation.

When she was twenty-five, she took over her father's business. At that time, her father was old and sick, and she no longer had the energy to support her. She was just a small company that was small and barely maintained, and she developed better and better in her hands. Five years ago, when she was twenty-eight years old, her father passed away, and the company had been transformed.

Guan Xiaoyin now has tens of millions of dollars in wealth, has three residential buildings and two storefronts in Jinghu City, and one house in Shanghai. She runs a company with stable income and profits. Although she is not a billionaire, she has basically achieved financial freedom. These are the result of her hard work. She is proud of this and has also made many of her peers envious...

After she finished speaking, she seemed to have completely calmed down. Ding Qi asked again: "Your career is very successful. So when dating a man, do you have a sense of defense, afraid that the other party is just interested in your money and just want to make money?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "To be honest, I have such a little worry. But I am not a tiny person. As long as I treat me wholeheartedly, I don't mind helping him..." When she told her, she didn't even realize the contradictory mentality. On the one hand, she was proud of her career success and believed that this was also a proof of her ability and charm, and it was not more underestimated. On the other hand, she did not want others to value these things.

Ding Qi took out a piece of paper and a tube of soft pen and handed it over, and said with a smile: "Let's do a small homework first. I'll list four questions here. You try to answer it. It doesn't matter if you don't answer clearly, you can think about it slowly."

In the psychological counseling room, there is generally no extra thing to distract the person seeking help. Dangerous items like pens that may become tools of damage are usually not taken out. So Ding Qi prepared a soft pen without a pointed tip. He wrote four questions on the paper.

1. Do those men, or just say, need me to save them?

2. What is my purpose in saving him?

3. Why not date those men who don’t need to be saved?

4. Who is the person who needs to be saved?

Guan Xiaoyin looked at it for a long time, but did not write the answer with a pen. She raised her head and said, "Doctor Ding, can I take these questions back and think about it carefully?"

Ding Qi didn't expect her to answer clearly immediately. If she answered too quickly, it might not be accurate. She nodded and said, "Of course there is no problem. You can think carefully after going back. I am a psychiatrist. What I solve here is your own psychological problems. Through your description, my deepest feeling is a desire to save and be saved..."

Many people have the urge to prove that they are better than others in their subconscious mind. Many women are attracted by men who seem very attractive, and they can also see the shortcomings of such men. They have a mentality of trying to save them, which is also a mentality of trying to prove themselves.

If she succeeds, she can prove that she is better and more attractive than others. So what attracts them is not only the charm of the opposite sex, but also the temptation to "transform" a "bad child". The more she invests in this relationship, the stronger her expectation will be - maybe go further and he will be changed by me?

In this relationship, sometimes the body becomes a kind of "giving", of course, money also includes money. This psychology is not limited to women, but also men. According to Ding Qi's summary at work, the number of men who say "women are not good things" has gradually exceeded that of women who say "men are not good things". This may be a characteristic of contemporary society.

For men, this is a Cinderella complex. There is a Cinderella who is in trouble and needs him to save it. To put it too much, it can be described as a "female complex" or a "female spy complex". For women, this is a frog prince complex. There is a prince who unfortunately becomes a frog and needs her to save it. To put it too much, it can be described as a "big devil complex."

This mentality, which every normal person has, is not a psychological problem, but in many cases, is a kind quality. But if a fixed behavior pattern that is always driven by the heart is formed, applied to emotional relationships, and you have not realized it yet, there is a problem.

Liu Guonan, the one who came to Ding Qi, also said that "men are not good things", but Liu Guonan's problem is completely different from Guan Xiaoyin. Liu Guonan was afraid of being hurt, so he refused to interact and attributed his behavior externally, so the explanation given was that men were not good things. She wanted to put away her charm.

Guan Xiaoyin said on the surface, why do I always meet such scumbags? In fact, she is internally attributed her own experience. She already knows the shortcomings of these men. The question in her heart is - why don't they turn back to me? Is it not that I am such an excellent and kind person who is not good enough? She wants to prove her charm.

This is also a manifestation of lack of self-confidence in the subconscious. They need to be affirmed in some way and also desire to be affirmed. Saving is also a kind of self-salvation, so Ding Qi just wrote about those four questions.

The first question is, does he need to be saved? Maybe, but what is needed more is to be punished rather than rewarded. In the eyes of bystanders, saving in the form of reward is already a kind of indulgence and compromise, and it is also the reason why such people can succeed repeatedly in the flowers. Therefore, the most critical question is to realize that he is originally that kind of person.

The second question is, what is the purpose of saving him? To benefit society, maintain world peace, and to save more women from the same fate? No, no, no, it is not like this, but to satisfy the psychology of salvation and self-salvation and realize the proof of self-worth. But from the psychologist, we should tell the seeker that self-worth is not necessary to prove it in this way.

The third question is, why not dating men who do not need to be saved? The simplest reason is that they cannot attract her, cannot satisfy the desire for salvation, control and security deep in their hearts. They lack self-confidence in their subconscious and think that they cannot get normal respect and affirmation.

The fourth question, as long as you answer the first three questions seriously, there are actually answers.

Maybe someone said again, if the rescue is successful, such as Xiaosha turns to justice according to Guan Xiaoyin's hope, will the relationship between the two be perfect? ​​In fact, it may not be necessary. This often enters another situation and may lead to two other problems.

First of all, the relationship developed under this situation is not stable, the position between the two is unbalanced, and the savior will have a moral advantage over the savior.

If you encounter any other contradiction, even if it is a normal contradiction, the savior will often say: "You have had so many shortcomings, and I forgive you and correct them for you. Why can't you treat me well and listen to me? Facts have proved that you should listen to me all! I am so outstanding and kind, and I saved you."

As there are too many such situations, greater conflicts will accumulate over time, and then enter the next cycle - you say you have changed, but you are actually deceiving me, but you have not changed it well. I think you lied to me like this, for example, a certain year and a certain month... and entered the mode of turning over old accounts.

It is not that the savior does not mind the shortcomings of the savior, but in fact, it is very important, because without these, it cannot prove its self-worth.

Secondly, the desire to save is often accompanied by the desire to control. The savior regards the other party's changes as a proof of his own value, and it is difficult to accept that the other party will be free from his own control. The other party violates his own wishes and is often regarded as betrayal, which is also the root cause of many conflicts.

This desire for control comes from a sense of security, otherwise the savior will feel uneasy and return to a state of lack of self-confidence in the subconscious. In a sense, the success of salvation is the end of tolerance.

So in this case, the saviors are often confused. I have clearly said goodbye to the past and chose a new life according to your requirements. Why is your attitude so picky again, and you are not even as tolerant as before?

有这两种情况的存在,很多时候难以判断被拯救者是否已做出了满意的改变,假如根本就没有改变,那就更不用说了.如何从心理上解决这个问题,要从一开始就清醒地认识到自己的心态,了解对方究竟是什么人.

Today's helper is not Xiaosha, but Guan Xiaoyin, so Ding Qi can only analyze the possible psychological problems of Guan Xiaoyin. He finally said: "This contradictory mentality of salvation and self-salvation may be related to growth experience. Either the parents are particularly strict or the parents do not care at all."

Guan Xiaoyin was stunned for a long time, not knowing how much she heard, and then nodded and said, "Teacher Ding is right. My father is very strict with me, but my mother doesn't care about me at all. It seems that I have both situations."

Ding Qi took back the paper and the pen, turned the paper to the back, and said while writing: "Since you have realized the problem, you must find a way to solve it. First, you must recognize your own mentality and make changes. Helping and turning a person back into a wrong way is not a mistake, but it is also a quality worthy of praise, but it is not suitable to be confused with the emotional needs of men and women.

It is unnecessary to put yourself in the position of the savior and the controller. You are not the incarnation of Guanyin Bodhisattva, but an ordinary person who is equal in emotional relationships. If you break this equal relationship, you will feel distressed. Let’s set a few small goals first, and you can achieve them one by one. What step you can do depends on your own efforts.”

Ding Qi wrote several other questions on the back of the paper—

1. What kind of person is he? Is his shortcomings my fault?

2. When dating such a person, what am I attracted to and what have I gained from it?

3. Are I satisfied with this and how much can I accept it?

4. Don’t force the other party to change for me, so how should you choose?

Ding Qi's suggestions are already very obvious. If Guan Xiaoyin is attracted by Xiaosha, she thinks that the other party is handsome, strong and pleasing, or has good kung fu in bed, which can meet some of his needs, and can continue to date him, but she has to figure out what kind of person he is, what he wants and what he can get, and finally make a clear choice.

Psychologists abide by the principle of value neutrality, and Ding Qi will not criticize her for being unhealthy. The so-called mental health and mental health are often different. But Guan Xiaoyin must adjust her mentality before she can finally get rid of it.

As for how the relationship between Xiaosha and Guan Xiaoyin will develop, this is not something that can be solved by a psychological meeting, and it is also something that Ding Qi cannot decide, but the first thing that needs to be changed is Guan Xiaoyin himself. The talks lasted for two hours, and Guan Xiaoyin finally left with the piece of paper.

Later, Guan Xiaoyin came to Ding Qi twice, and each time she made an appointment and talked for two hours. It seemed that she and Xiaosha had not completely broken off. She mainly wanted to talk to each other these two times, so Ding Qi would just listen to her. Ding Qi felt a little speechless. Did she be regarded as her best friend?

Guan Xiaoyinken spent an hour and a thousand five-year-old to chat with her "best friend" is also generous enough.

The last time Guan Xiaoyin mentioned Xiaosha's recent situation, she thought Xiaosha had changed. Xiaosha no longer worked in the original company, and set up a company to start his own business. He did not need Guan Xiaoyin's support, but some problems remained the same. He often didn't know where he did what he did and couldn't contact him for several days.

Of course Ding Qi knew what was going on. Because Fan Yang disappeared, Xiaosha came out to work alone, and he was indeed quite capable. He could see that Guan Xiaoyin was a little addicted to Xiaosha, and it might be difficult to quit this addiction. Sometimes, even if he knew that he had something wrong, it would be difficult to change, or what he wanted to change was not a relationship, but just a mentality.

Today, with the latest discovery in Huangtian Village, Ding Qi realized that Sharon Zheng was doing business for Zhang Wangxiong again. He briefly introduced this past story and finally said: "I did not intend to disclose the privacy of the person seeking help, but if it involves social harm, you can quote the principle of confidentiality exceptions. You need to know more about Sharon Zheng."

Xian Hao curled his lips and said, "Some men are so scary! I don't know what they are thinking about all day long? Ding Qi, don't have that expression, I don't necessarily mean you."

Ding Qi and Zhu Shanxian both shut up. Xian Hao looked at Ding Qi again and said, "You know that Shalangzheng is not a good person, why don't you just suggest her break up with her firmly?"

Ding Qi smiled bitterly and said, "Every character has its own behavioral boundaries. I can't do that in the psychological clinic. Listen to me and you will understand. I have a senior brother named Zhang, who worked one year earlier than me. In the first month of working as a psychological counselor, he encountered similar problems.

Senior Brother Zhang directly suggested that the person seeking help break up with his boyfriend, and told her not to get entangled with him anymore. What do you think of the result? The next day he was blocked by the girl's boyfriend and beaten to the ground to look for teeth. It turned out that the girl broke up with the boy, saying that this was the opinion of the psychological counselor, and claiming that the psychologists all thought that the young man was a scumbag."

Zhu Shanxian asked: "How did you deal with it later?"

丁齐:“打人者被治安拘留十五天,出来后姑娘居然和他和好了,虽然后来又分手了,但当时的确是和好了.张师兄则受了纪律处分,不仅做了检讨,还被暂停执业半年.

There is nothing we can do about this. Senior Brother Zhang did violate the professional principles of psychological counselors and made consulting suggestions that did not meet professional requirements, which also caused serious adverse consequences.

A psychologist is not a controller, and it is impossible to control the behavior of the person seeking help, and it cannot make decisions on behalf of the person seeking help. It can only point out the psychological problems of the person seeking help and the solution, so that the person seeking help can make decisions on its own. The psychologist is not a martial arts master, nor is it a god."

Zhu Shanxian sighed and said, "The gods cannot control or make decisions on behalf of others. If you can point out problems, you are a master."
Chapter completed!